Anxiety/ guilt problems causing me to cut.

I do it to punish myself. I hurt my ex too much. I shouldn't be allowed to live. I should be brutally beaten. I feel like I have no choice but to cut. I need to take the punishment into my own hands and inflict it on my own body.
My ex's new girlfriend called me Saturday night and told me about all the things I was doing wrong. About all the things I've been doing to upset my ex. Well. I'm sorry. I am not allowed to contact him again, the new girlfriend will yell at me again if I do (she made me promise I wouldn't ever contact him again). I do not still love him, I only want closure. He wouldn't say a word to me...so for me...cutting somehow rights all the terrible things I did to him without having to contact him.
I cheated on him once. I used him as an emotional punching bag for almost three years. He just took it.
I am a terrible person. That's why I cut.
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pixie1992
im 18 nxt june thks... and im going back to be with my bf he is the only ddamn reason i havent died well i tried to od a month ago on sleeep meds woke up and was tired slept like alll day my speech was slurred and my mom asked me r u high? which i have been before but i wanted to die badly still do
Are you turning 18 soon? Once you are 18 you can get a therapist without having parental permission. I think it would really benefit you to talk to a professional about the cutting (that's what I'm going to do soon) They keep everything confidential, and their only goal is to help you out. Stay strong.
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pixie1992
no my mom thinks im a wack job so i cant have one
so only 2 people in my life knw whts like to be me my bf and bff whos like me w cutting and we all help eachother and her bf also my bff.. did i say this i live 5 states awy now ffrom them so we use fb or txting to stay in contact
Oh man, I'm so sorry. That's rough.
Do you have a therapist? Mine helped me stop when I was 14. Also it helps to transition from cutting to poking yourself with a safety pin to pinching yourself. Poking and pinching aren't nearly as harmful.
Hang in there!
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pixie1992
i use a pocket knife or glass
i have been doing it since iwas 13 it stop but came back aat 16 and im 17 now it wont stop i do it every day i shake if idont right now my arms r begging me to cut
I used to cut kinda often in middle school too. I stopped at age 14. Now I'm 18 and I've started again. Never thought I would...(I started again two days ago)
It's scary...I was fine for most of today, then something came over me...and I brought out my trusty razor.
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pixie1992
yes cutting is very addicting i cut 13 to 20 times aday deep or non deep
as long as theres blood
Thanks you for the positive comments. :)
ugh I've barely been able to function since that phone call. Too much guilt. I think I'll be ok. I think I'm just over tired.
Although cutting is somehow addictive.
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pixie1992
your not a horrible person, you dont need to punish yourself,
everyone makes mistakes, and if you feel bad about it, it means your not terrible.
and you especially dont need to cut
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CrimsonTears
i know how u feel i cut tooo
im up for awhile so if u want help.