Albert einstain

Albert Friggin' Smart'
Einstein (1879 – 1955) was killed by THE BLACK GUY German-born theoretical physicist, local milk man and
also the world's first true
gangsta.He is famous for his
theory of relativity , and specifically the parachute-
pants equivalence, E = MC Hammer.Up through the 1930's, his German detractors
championed the notion that
this and his simultaneously
developed quantum theory
was all BS "Jewish science"
until they woke up one day and realized they could build a
bomb with it.Thereafter, it
was revealed that Einstein's
work was plagiarized, having
suddenly been expressed only
a few decades earlier by Max Planck, Henri Poincare or other lesser known gangsters.These
Einstein referred to as "hairy-
assed playa-hatas."At the age of three Einstein
(pronounced WANG-STAIN)
has acquired the deadly habit
of mainlining shrooms,
cannabis, and LSD.The crazy
mixed up prodigy of an accident in time travel, the
Albert Einstein who shocked
the world was truly the son
of Giuseppe the Genius.Hoping
to get some action (you
know what sort of action I mean ) in Germany, the young
Genius discovered the secret
to time travel.Upon reaching
the late 1800s, he met an
agnostic prostitute and
converted her to Judaism.After enjoying the time old
Charleston, they settled down
in a bed near Berlin.Some
complications in the time
machine caused Einstein to be
born as a sixty year old man the next day.This was later
corrected by Giuseppe
through the use of hot
mustard.Giuseppe trained the
young Einstein in his ways,
including the secret style of penguino ninjitsu, and gave
him the credit for the theory
of Tiger Ballz.Later a giant
chicken ball came and crushed
Einstein, sending him into an
alternate reality, and replacing him with the 615th
reincarnation of the Evil Lord
Xenu.He came back to the
present and wrote this article.As we all know Einstein's life
came to a tragic end when he
imploded in a spectacularly
unsuccessful attempt to win a bet that he could generate a
mini black hole by cycling
around the world faster than
the speed of light .Then tragedy struck as Einstein
drew level with the velocity
of light he became infinitely
dense instantaneously passing
through every point in the universe .This had the unfortunate side effect of
giving him infinite
gravitational force which in
turn caused the infinitely large
Einstein and the entire
universe of space and time to fold in on itself until it
disappeared into an infinitely
small point that is commonly
referred to by some of the
world's most respected
theoretical astrophysicists as a "lil' biddy dot".Banana! An alternate, now
disregarded theory suggests
that Einstein died as a result of
his brain spontaneously
dividing p by 0.E= mc² is the result of his death.There is increasing speculation that the story surrounding
Einstein's death is more
intricate than previously
moustachologists believe that
he actually traveled through time to 1996, changed his
name to Des Lynam and forged a successful career as a
British television presenter.
Credence to this hypothesis
has grown since the sudden
disappearance of Des Lynam in
2006.While cynics propose that Lynam is not in fact
Einstein and merely faded into
obscurity after being fired
from his job on Countdown for being too boring, realists
believe he traveled back to his
original time.According to secret historical
documents in the Pentagon , Einstein's well-known picture
was taken while he was
licking a Russian prostitute.
Actually she wasn't a
prostitute: She was an NKVD agent.It was the winter of
1926 in Germany.Because of
the economical crisis in
Germany after World War
One, there was no coal to
warm up.Sly Soviet agents were aware of this situation;
they also were knowing of
Einstein's excess libido.So, all
they need were a beautiful
woman and a camera.And
someone to use the camera, of course.After Einstein began
licking, the cameraman were
coming close slowly.But the
cameraman involuntary hit
the furniture tripod.Einstein
discovered him.The cameraman were still trying
to do his job.While Einstein
was looking on the
cameraman with confused
eyes, he attempted to say
"whadda fuck is goin' on?".But he couldn't.Because of the
cold weather, his tongue
stuck down his chin.So
shame..."The great physicist"
hadn't got a foresight about
what's the combine of cold weather and wet objects.
Meanwhile, cameraman took
the picture and went back to
Moscow.Stalin purposed to
use that picture to blackmail
Einstein and get him with the precious scientific secrets
which would accomplish the
Soviet Nuclear Program.But
the plans didn't work
anymore.Because there was
more "hardcore" photos of Stalin , Lenin and Trotsky , those taken in an orgy made
in Kremlin .(Rumors say the orgy pictures transmitted to
the USA by Trotsky as a result
of his strive against Stalin.) Roosevelt threatened to publicize those pictures if they
don't return the picture of
Einstein.And Stalin stepped
backward.It has been theorized by
Einstein himself that this is
perhaps the stupidest section
in this article.When Einstein invented space
and time and espresso he
realised that if you go really
fast, like Kenyan atheletes do,
you get really small.This
phenomenon was recently witnessed in the success of
Chinese athletes in the 2008
Olympic games.Einstein was known to think
better with his pants off,
which is how he discovered
the "So called famous formula
- E=mc^2
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Discovered relativity while
looking for a shortcut to Osgiliath. He showed that no object
can travel faster than a lady
with two c cup sized
breasts. Isaac Newton once said of
him, "If he's so smart, how
come he's dead?" Mathematically proved the
"I before E, except after C " spelling rule (which is
wrong, look at weight,
height and
ous for example. Although not a chemist, he
created the tasty compound
Sandwich Oxide SnWCHO2. Discovered the formula
"E=MC Hammer". Inventor of two theories of relativity , which he concocted to explain why
some of his children looked
more like their dog. Despite great efforts, he
could never solve the
complexity of German grammar. Once ate his weight in pickled eggs . Although he said that God
doesn't play dice, he firmly
believed that God was a
great poker player. Designer of the solar
powered flashlight. Einstein didn't understand
how gravity worked... oh
wait, that was Newton.
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Although Einstein is mainly
known for his advances in the
scientific field, he was also
quite the romantic poet. Since they were both born
Albert and Pythag have
always been at war. Even
during maths classes with Mrs
C Roberts in MA1 they fought,
trying to come up with the most intelligent formulas and
theories. In the end Albert
won by bribing Mrs Roberts
with a sack of parsnips and he
got top degrees. After school
they went their separate ways with Albert going to
Germany, then America, and
Pythag going to Samos and
then Memphis Uni. Eventually
they both made their career
defining theories, Einstein's E=MC² and Pythag's a²+b²=c².
At the maths awards at the
end of the year, Pythag won
the maths award for Best
Theorem, but Albert couldn't
bear to see him win so he cut him down with his secret
weapon, before claiming he
won and hypnotising
everyone with his maths. This
was the end of their feud, and
Albert then became known as the world's greatest
mathematician, and Pythag
was quietly forgotten by all
but Mrs C Roberts and kids
who have to learn his
theorem.Einstein was known to think
better with his pants off,
which is how he discovered
the "So called famous formula
- E=mc^2" When we think of Einstein we
think of his formula E=MC²
and we often wonder what it
stands for or what it means
from the point of a editor
from the Observer newspaper. Unfortunately
Einstein got in a feud with the
Nobel Peace Prize committee
and refused to tell anyone
until they apologize with a
pair of smoking shoes of his size. Although we may never
truly understand Einstein's Theory of Relativity , it is assumed to be related to the
concept of relative association
in that where this is a way
there is a will, and that where
there is will there is likely to
be a relative. Another interpretation which
appears more likely than
anything to do with Energy , Mass or the Speed of Light is Albert Einstein's Theory
of Cheesology . Taking his famous equation of: One can assume the letters
represent: Eat - The E stands for Eat. More - The M stands for More. Cheese - The C stands for Cheese. Turning the equation into an
English sentence should result
in: "Eat More Cheese than you
normally would."
Because eating cheese makes
you fat, and fat people get
on the Biggest Loser The fact that Cheese is squared
in the above equation results
in eating to excess in order to
square the amount of Cheese
you would normally eat. For
example, if you ate 50g of Cheese per day, then to abide
by Einstein's Law then you must eat in order to be consuming the necessary
amount of cheese. This 50g squared amount is
equal to 2.5kg (2500g) which
is the FCO's (Food Consumption Organization ) recommendations on daily
Cheese consumption. It is still unknown what kind
of cheese he might be
referring to. However, a shocking and
profound theory has recently
emerged in the scientific
community. The founder of
Perdue has recently suggested
Einstein meant to say "Eat More Cheese SQUARES". If
true, then the very
foundations of science would
be shaken by the sheer power
of the newly promoted
Cheese squares.Einstein was once completely
set for rapping, he went by
the name A-stein E-stein. He
teamed up with the likes of
Kid Rock, Eminem, JAYZEE,
Weird Al and Reuben Glaser. He has had a few albums out,
one was labeled "PI Sucks
ASS". Due to the large words
and frequent references to
science, Einstein's first album
didn't sell well at all. His partner was a small black man
named "COX" who later
committed suicide after
Einstein's second attempt at
an album called "E=equals MCpimped2." His hit song from this one was "Big Brains Bring
Bucks". But once again his
attempts ended up bad, this
album only sold 742 copies.
Einstein was now without
COX, or rapping skills, so he tried once more at an album,
this one was "Gimme All Da
Plutonium!" This album had
only 8 songs on it, and only 65
copies were made. The price
for this album on websites such as Ebay is through the
roof. After this attempt at a
record, Einstein hung up his
bling, and went back to
science 100%. This is one man
who will go down in the hall of fame of rap, which will
hopefully have a dedication to
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