He was gone for eight days, enough for him to apparently miss me so much that he treated me like such a sweetie, yesterday. The weather and withdrawals had me achy and drained, he was also drained, so we cuddled in bed waiting for the misery outside to pass and the power to return from an outage. We never do that, but it was so nice. He couldn't stop stroking my hair and we were petting and holding each other. I just love when he lets us be sweethearts like that, but it makes me fall in love with him too, which is dangerous. During a sweet soft moment, he gently said "I really missed you". It sounds like nothing, but that's probably the most emotionally vulnerable he's ever been with me. I had the impression that it was a bit difficult for him to have said, not that he didn't say it before in the car when he picked me up, but that moment was intimate, snuggly and affectionate. I knew it was genuine, is what I mean. He told me that it'd be great if he could one day take me up north to where he was. But, that wasn't the first time he has said this, and last winter, we almost had ice-fishing plans there. I really would like to go. I've never been that far north, would love to experience it.
Last night's and this morning's fellatio wasn't a lie. During which, he pulled me up to kiss me, and we all know how rare that is. Still no sex, but (and who was I kidding) we'll be getting together again tonight, and it'll be had. After the absence and how he was being, last night, he now has me worked up that way, too, so I want. And, when I'm wanting like that, he can suck in bed all he wants, and it'll still rock my socks.
I know it's because he had been away for so long, but it often seems like when I'm getting closer and closer to making some ending move with this guy, he decides to draw closer and more intimate, reeling me back in.
It's predictable, kinda humourous, to watch myself break every single vow of ending or changing this thing. I'm not even really affected either way, anymore. I have nothing else on the go with anyone else, and I've prioritized changing my own self and life over what's going on between him and I, so that helps to be okay with whatever happens between us, just as long as I don't let myself fall in love with him or have any hopes.